Fresh Encounter
Originally posted on October 2, 2017
A lot has changed in our lives since I started this blog four years ago. I began writing to keep friends and family updated on our lives and the call to missions. During that time, I went on multiple mission trips, and we completed several mission projects in our community. What started as a family mission endeavor turned into more, and I became the missions director at NBBC. I served in that position for almost three years, and I loved every minute of it. But as things got busier, I posted less frequently, and eventually, not at all. In fact, this is the first new blog post in two years.
To fill in the gaps, I spent a lot of time at church. In addition to leading the missions team, I served on the praise team, volunteered in kids’ ministry as a Sunday school and Wednesday night teacher, and directed and wrote church dramas. Between rehearsals, meetings, regular services, and other events, I was at the church most days of the week.
I’m not sharing this to “toot my own horn.” In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
Despite all the time I spent at church, I lost sight of my relationship with God. There wasn’t a defining moment when everything changed—it was gradual, and I didn’t even notice it happening. It felt like I was in a business relationship with God. I was working for Him, which is good, but I had lost that closeness with Him. I was so busy doing things for God that I didn’t have time to be with God. And I didn’t even realize it until it was all over.
Earlier this year, I made a big decision to leave everything I knew and move to Kentucky. After we arrived, I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I went to work, spent time with the kids, did some woodworking, and went to church on Sundays. But with all the extra time, I felt empty. I struggled with feelings of regret and disappointment, unsure if I had made the right decision, but knowing something needed to change. I realized that I didn’t know how to talk to God anymore. Without all the busyness of ministry, I felt lost in my relationship with Him. I didn’t have any personal Bible reading habits outside of planning for church, and my prayers had become so focused on planning that I had forgotten how to just listen to Him.
I started missing the relationship I once had with God. I thought back to the night I was saved, how I was so humbled by His power and so broken over my sins. I remember lying face down in the grass, crying out for forgiveness and surrendering to Him. It was raw, and it was real. I want that again.
I’ve started by taking time to pray and read the Bible just for me—to rebuild my relationship with Him. I didn’t realize how hungry I was for His Word. I’ve been reading the Bible app on my phone every chance I get, and it feels like I’m discovering a new book. I’m learning and remembering so much about His character. I’m reminded that even though I may have hurt Him, He still loves me and wants to hear from me.
I talk to Him a lot, and I sing to Him even more. The praise songs feel fresh and new, and I’m singing them to Him instead of “leading” others. Things are starting to get better. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m on the journey. I won’t be jumping into any leadership roles for a while. I loved my time at NBBC and wouldn’t trade it for anything, but I got so caught up in making everything bigger and better that I lost sight of my personal relationship with God. I believe He used me there, and He would have continued to work through me had I stayed, but I don’t regret leaving. I’ve learned so much about myself and about Him through this time. NBBC will be fine—God will provide to fill the spots I left.
We’ve found a church here that we like and will probably join soon. I’ll continue to seek God and fill my life with His Word, and I’ll be ready to serve as opportunities arise. I’m thankful for this change and this season of life. We’re happy here, and we love the area. I’m excited to see what opportunities God will bring in His time. I know He will continue to use me—I just don’t know how yet, but I believe He’s not done with me.
So, I don’t know exactly what the future holds for us. We’ll continue building our lives here and growing in our relationship with Him. Please continue to pray for us as we seek the direction God has for us. My desire is to get back to the basics—back to our family’s key verse: To acknowledge Him and let Him direct our paths.
